he brought me to sum empty landscape in bukit jalil , on top of sum tiny hill ... taught me sum basics den i took the wheel n did it . got scolded many times , screwed up many times , n so on ... den later on he suggested we move on to the main road o_O so yea ... drived on da road la . kinda worried at 1st ... all in all i got screwed alot of times cuz i was so nervous i forgot all da basics . den samo mati enjin a few times at the bumper and at traffic light ... got honked three times from da back T.T most of my mistakes dat make it mati enjin n car jerky ride was bcuz of my SHOES !!! damnit ! da fucker kancil damn tiny , the compartment to put leg oso tiny , my leg press clutch in liao CANNOT TARIK OUT !! stuck inside !! so i had to jerk my leg off , den when i jerk it off , da clutch oso jerked off , maka terjadilah kejadian mati enjin ... =.=
den finally after rounding a few rounds he let me drive myself home ... sighz he damn weird , he scold me like damn pissed off at my sucky performance but he still can alff n make joke wit me ... den after tat i ask him he last time oso like me ar ? then he answer sure la , he oso is human , except he din do so poor like me XD
den reach home liao sleep till 3 ... woke up , ate lunch , left for tuition at 3.45 . tuition was boring , me lazy , me no concentrate , me stupid ... hate myself ... den walked home wit mal n dom halfway . reach home , listen to music la ... den chicky recommended me few songs ! nice !
den foruming , bath , eat n finally played jedi outcast for 45 mins wit dom . stopped cuz suddenly lag like hell , i suspect my sister dling la ...
den here's a cool thing u need 2 noe !! da forums there got 1 fella post a link to some parody of the online dictionary , wikipedia ... the link is www.uncyclopedia.org ! all bullshit facts !! ROFL ! here r some nice ones , btw , beware of sensitive issues ! if ur too damn free read them lar lol XD
Malaysia
Essentially a tiny peninsular found to the north of their slightly more anal cousins who live on an even smaller island Singkaypoh, Malaysia is a young nation of diverse cultures and races such as Formula-1. Moving foward with a vision as a collective community towards the vision of becoming a developed nation by the year 2020, 4040, 5050 or whatever catchy number.
It is made up of 13 states namely Selangor, Kedah, Terengganu, Kelantan, Pahang, Penang, Jihador (just north of Singkaypoh), Sabah, Sarawak(which reluctantly joined MALAYSIA as a state), Perlis, Malawiya, Abu Perak and Negeri Nol. The two federal territories Wilayat Federal and Labu don't count as states since they're too small anyway, like Taiwan. Another common state that Malaysians have is denial (aka. no lah, where got?), which incidentally, is a river in Egypt.
Malays like to listen to heavy rock, prog rock, glam rock, punk rock, sedimentary rock, and grunge rock. The chinese came from China, Texas (they had nothing better to do coz they were so succesful anyway, so they might as well start their lives from scratch in some shit ass country) , who were sent into exile on the ship, The Lusethania. There weree also other "ships" such as HMS Prince of Wales, but that one sank when Hitler and the Germans invaded Malaysia in the year 2020 after they were transported through time by Oscar Wilde.
To become more technologically advanced and beat their cross-ass rivals in the South, they copy. Initiatives like the No Slavery (NS) campaign to the External Security Actors Act (ESAA) were all originated from their neighbours. Luckily, Malaysia supplies water at a cheap fee to them so they do not sue them.
The Bolehland of Malaysia
Motto: If it's a Malay problem, it's a national problem; if it's a Chinese problem, it's a racial problem; if it's an Indian problem, it's not a problem.
Established: Long before those damn pendatang asing ever set foot here
Exports: Unracist racism, cheap water, smatijoves, nude squats
Imports: Competence, private enterprise
National car: Proton, Perodua Golf Cart
Natural Resources: tin oil, palm mines, unemployed graduates, idiot proof ministry
Official Cuisine: Totally 100% healthy and un-heart attack causing teh tarik
History of Malaysia
Before 3434564512 B.C
The first history of Malaysia began when a Palembang Prince, Parameswara a.k.a "Prince Esh" from Somewhere got involved in a bar fight and insulted the king's mother. The king threatened to beat the shit and intestines out of Prince Esh so he fled with 3 wives, 4 mistresses, 2 lackeys, 25 US Marines, 300 slaves, and a partridge in a pear tree to Singaypoh (named after the a Rubber tree estate where his dog took a piss and humped several bushes)after visiting his close associate Mr. Mister and finding that it was too boring. Anyways, he founded the city state of Celaka which prospered for hundreds and thousands of years, much to the chagrin of Singaporeans, who at that time consisted entirely of lower primates and mole-like Woodlands creatures. Then came the Portugese, Dutch, British, Japanese, Freedonians, Bordurians, and then British again who took advantage of the Malay's preponsity for public holidays and invaded on a non-working Saturday. The British, like a surging wave of fetid drainwater, carried with them the Chinese(from Chin-ur; we who refuse to wipe our asses) and the Red Indians (from Indi-ur; we who wear 2 liters of perfume)to work the tin mines and rubber plantations. So now, Malaysia have 3 major races (like Tolkien's MiddleEarth) with the politically dominant Malays (c.f. illegal immigrants from Palembang, Indonesia), the industrious Chinese (c.f. "please-bury-me-next-to-Mao-Tse-Tung-when-i'm-dead...) and the downtrodden Indians (c.f. can u ples tell me wen the next boat to Kerala?). Other races also exist but for all intent and purposes, they don't exist except for cultural shows put on for stupid tourists or as pictures in school textbooks. Note: in honour of "Eswara", the national car maker, Proton, named one of their cars. Proton Iswara (slightly different spelling to avoid lawsuits).
1960-1980
This was a boring period in Malaysia. According to History textbooks, nothing much happened. Prolific fiction writer Lim Kit Siang published his first works, but it was universally panned by critics. It was mostly a ripoff of George Orwell. Also, the smatijove was invented.
1980-1990
The 80s sucked. Shitty costumes, bad synthisized music, lousy hairstyles. Same thing in Malaysia. Some guys called Umno got banned by the moderator after the cops busted their party. They got unbanned.
1990-2000
"anwar is a fag! lol!"
~ Dr. M on Anwar Ibrahim
Malaysian-Singapore War
Started over a fucking football game in 2002. Both sides continue to claim victory after a series of battles and skirmishes that has claimed 23,000 lives.
War Of The Bridge
In 764AD, Malaysia announced plans to build a Bridge Over The River Kwai. SinGayPoh protested, even though the Kwai River is nowhere near that rock. To confuse the Simkapoleons, the plans were altered to build the bridge in a circle, then a rhombus, and then in a dodecahedric design. The plan was finally scrapped when the government realized that the River Kwai already had a bridge. Also, the river was probably somewhere in Thailand.
Immediately after the war, the Berita Hairan, New Straits Times, and Utusan washing machines went into "Full Spin" cycle.
Sidenote
There is another bit of Malaysia in Borneo, but this area does not concern us, being entirely populated by hairy orange flying monkeys and sprinkled with a healthy scattering of tourists in very expensive hotels, many of whom ignore the bounty of nature (rainforests, coral reefs, endangered species etc.) and just spend their whole fucking holiday playing golf instead.
Economy of Malaysia
Malaysia exports a lot of rubber to countries around the world including the Star Federation. Also, they make lots of Pentiums.
Another source of income is from pirates. There are usually two types of pirates in Malaysia:
Yarrr ye mateys! Get 'dem DeeVeeDees out an sellem befere those darned police send us and our jolly ship ta' Davy Jones Locker! Arrrr!
OR
Avast there! Thar she bee... a fyne ship from Hong Kong laden wit sweet Sony DeeVeeDee players! Board her and sieze tha booty! Start thee Yamaha engines and load thee canons, ya scurvy mongrels! Yarrr!
"AP birthday to you! AP birthday to you!"
~ at Rafidah Aziz's birthday party
Transportation In Malaysia
The best way to get around Malaysia is by car. A Honda Accord costs U$30,000 as of 2006. This proves that Malaysians are rich and not poor unlike what the Western Media says. Chinese Malaysians will spend insane amounts of money to buy numbers like 1,5,7,8,9, and the letter C for their license plates. This brings good fart and protection from God when doing stunts like following a petrol tanker at 0.005463 meters and at 80kmh, driving at the speed of light, and overtaking dangerously. If accident happens, it means you didn't have enough number 8 in your license plate... so bad luck for you, lor!
And strangely enough, ANY kind of road is suitable to become a Highway, including those roads that are nicknamed 'Ulu-Ulu Road' (though it's much more suitable to be called a Lowway but crap, this is Malaysia and Malaysia Boleh). A road made for cows to walk on will suddenly become a highway within a day, and there will be tolls for every 5 KM on it for some apparent reason left for everyone not stupid enough to figure it out.
Education in Malaysia
Schools in Malaysia educate the children to become high achievers; eg. to be able to create the HIGHEST pile of pirated VCDs, the LONGEST line of cows, or even the BIGGEST Ramly burger. To achieve the best of the best results, school children are made to carry huge bags containing heavy books and other heavy items every day to school. This builds up their back muscles and backbone so that they will not only look great, but also have an excellent overall support of the body. If you disagree with this, you are not patriotik!
The National Pasttime is "lepak" and "mamak". At fucking 3AM in the morning, you can find Malaysians hanging out at coffeestalls drinking teh-tarik and talking cock about politics. To protect against zombies who also love to come out at this ungodly hour, Malaysians carry 12-ga. shotguns for defense.
DotA
Bradwarden: This unfortunate offspring of a horse and a man, has unkown strength and the akward power to hump another hero and cause immense pain to the both of them. Known as the "emo" because he loves to hurt himself.
Bone Clinkz: A bag of bones that clink togather and the disharmonious sound makes all those who hear it temble in fear, this hero is a favorite.
Alt + Q + Q (aka F10 +Q +Q): This is not actaully a hero just a trick to play on new players. Tell them there is a secret hero you get when you press "Alt + Q + Q" and then laugh as they leave the game. Then cry as you relize what you just did and that you have no life. Then die. It's okay, Uncyclopedia said you could, right?
Shit
Jeff Geist (aka ShitHead) is a generic French delicacy known to have an unusually strong aroma, shit, from the Egyptian "shitititi", is highly prized for its unique texture and flavour, and, as such, most commonly served with Dom Perignon . For those of you who have never tried this type of cuisine before, you should drink several of these. Listening to Zombies Without Hats -- or indeed doing anything hatless -- before dining on shit has been known to make it easier to swallow.
Lots of pieces of shit which are being cooked.Snoop Dogg has been known to have shit and say "now that's some good shit".
John Ryan took a big shit once. It's been said that it was the biggest smelliest pile of shit to ever exit an ass.
A commonly regarded as true but fallacy regarding the meaning of "SHIT" comes from way back when people were carting fertilizer across the ocean. They would transport it by ship. However, there was a slight problem to this. If you leave it on deck, it will smell bad, and it attracts flies (when you're close to land). Yet, if you stored it below deck in barrels sitting on the ground, the salt water would contaminate the fertilizer, making it extremely flammable. There were even reports of ships burning up because of storing fertilizer improperly. Therefore, they decided to store the fertilizer below deck, but high in a cupboard. Thus, the capital letters "S.H.I.T." were written on all the barrels, indicating that they must be "Stored High In Transit."
Special Properties of Shit
Certain types of Shit are know for being attracted to air conditioning devices. This sometimes, in the right circumstances, results in shit flying at high velocities towards ventilators and such. This amazing effect that shit has is the basis for one of the most well known English proverbs ... Shit Flies .
In the province of Valencia in Spain a Catholic church holds the biggest piece of relic shit known to man. The piece is the Dump after the last supper by Jesus. The relic is regarded as a priced piece of crap sought after by many ReliRelic Collector ( see religion ). It has remarkable magic properties, making it Holy Shit or Holy Crap.
In the nation state of Germany shit is regarded as a staple part of an individual's diet. Popular dishes include major meals such as Shittenpotty or the Bavarian Shaissewurst: a large, sturdy and meaty piece of shit smeared with ketchup and curry powder. It has been suggested that continual consumption of one's own shit can result in the creation of Groganium 90 - a radioactive substance which when used by a skilled individual can tear holes in the Space/Time continuum and summon the Grogoths: vile and putrifying alien shit-gods.
A properly prepared shit sandwich is truly a wonderful culinary experience.
other articles include :
Jay Chou
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3 comments:
OMFG U SICK ASS
OMG!!!!!! THAT THINGS IS GROOSEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
ZZZZZZZ >.<"""
BUT IT IS NICE LOLXXXXX
hahahazzzz
best regards, nice info »
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